i hate spring
i used to love the changing of the seasons. the gradual warmth of spring overtaking the violent chill of winter. rain, flowers, even bugs, i loved all of it, because it meant i would no longer be miserably bundled up for the cold.
but then i got sick.
i've been dealing with a mystery illness for the past two and a half years, one that makes literally everything about being alive harder. my body temperature cannot regulate itself anymore, so i'm constantly sweating my ass off while everyone else is complaining of the cold. i used to play soccer, work on a farm, enjoy afternoons on the porch with a cold drink and book in hand. now i can barely sit up without feeling faint. i've gained 45lbs and it just keeps coming, no matter how much i restrict my intake to make up for the fact that i cannot exercise. i'm just miserable.
and i hate spring.
because spring signals the beginning of seven months of hell, for me at least. i've managed to work myself up to standing, walking, going to the store this past winter. the cold made that possible, because i didn't have to worry about the sun beating me down like it had a personal vendetta. i didn't have to worry about fainting, or throwing up, or just generally being miserable 24/7, just because the temperature outside is higher than 55 degrees.
i'm just tired of my quality of living being controlled by the weather. i want to run, i want to play soccer, i want to go to the beach, and party, and drink, and have fun without constantly having to worry about how i'm feeling and if there's somewhere for me to sit at the function.
i just miss my old life.
𐔌՞. .՞𐦯